Axes and Oh’s: Top Tips for Wood-Chopping Women
Sure, it’s good exercise. But axes are also just plain cool.
Last winter, I was cutting up kindling behind my house when a young woman came to read the gas meter. She coughed politely. “I just didn’t want to alarm you,” she said. “Thanks.” I gestured at Mr. Stevens presently resting at my shoulder, “But I’m the one with the axe.”
I’m glad she found it funny instead of running for the hills. Mr. Stevens, by the way, is a four-pound black axe with a nice rubber-grip handle. I like him for kindling, though if it’s pine I’ll use Trudy. Yes. They all have names. We are sophisticated around here.
Axes have personalities, you see. Trudy is small but mighty, a wood handle and good for small jobs. Light and easy to carry, though I suspect Mr. Stevens would be better in the Zombie Apocalypse (heavier, longer handle, better swing). Sics [an editing joke] is a six-pounder and very serious about the work. And at last we have Bertha, eight pounds, and named after Bertha Mason in Jane Eyre, the (misunderstood and maligned) first wife of Rochester, locked in the attic. Bertha burns the house down in the end of that story; my Bertha just provides fuel for heating mine.
There is a cultural expectation, I think, that men do the wood-chopping and axe-swinging. Lumberjacks, not lumberjanes. Well, poppycock on that — chopping wood is absolutely suited for a woman’s job, hobby, or entertainment. It does take a bit of preparation, however, so here are some top tips for the wood-chopping women.
Tip #1
Don’t start with Bertha. Swinging something that weighs eight pounds over your head is NOT a rookie move. The weight is always surprising, and the hand-eye coordination to actually hit the block of wood (and not some part of your anatomy or the concrete driveway) takes time to develop. I began by cutting up kindling with Trudy, leaving the big chop to my partner, who had more practice. Once you develop the aim, however, you can start taking a few good swings and graduate to the next axe up.
Tip #2
Swinging an axe is excellent exercise, but it also requires exercise. I am not an Olympic Gym type, but I do lift weights. I tend to stick with 10lb free weights, and 2–3 sets of 10 reps: Bicep curls, triceps, overhead extensions… a good list can be found here. It’s partly about building muscle, but even more important is the improvement of your balance and control through stabilizer muscles. When we spend a lot of time at a desk (and I do), the biggest ask on our arm muscles might be stacking the car with groceries. That means we aren’t as aware of our motions, muscles, and coordination. Weight training helps us get to know our bodies a bit better. This is mportant if you are going to swing a sharp-edged potential weapon.
Tip #3
Dress for success. Luckily, this is not going to require a trip to Lululemon. But there are a few things to consider. Wear pants, not shorts, and boots or other hefty closed-toe shoes. If the weather is cold and you need a jacket, make it a stretchy one that won’t be in your way with too much extra fabric. And wear eye protection. Wood splinters at velocity are no joke.
Tip #4
Know your axe. It’s not quite the-wand-chooses-the-wizard, but you do need to find one you feel comfortable with. And of course, it also depends on the job. This year, we took big maple rounds from a neighbor, who had a tree down. They measured almost three feet across, and were pretty knotty (knots are VERY hard to split). That meant Bertha and Sics did most of the starter splits… and in a few cases, I resorted to a wedge (it’s a bit like an ax without a handle) and pounded that in with a sledgehammer. Those rounds are exhausting, and you need a weighty object to be brought down with considerable force. I can personally swing Bertha about 10 times before I need to call it a day.
But that’s what makes partnering so handy. It is safer, too, to have someone else around. We take Bertha in turns, and he has a bit more upper body mass than I do. I take the first broken half of the round and get to it with Sics while my partner breaks the next one. Sics is sharper and leaner than Bertha, so carves in better. And for very stringy wood, I switch to Mr. Stevens — extremely thin blade, and very sharp, good for slicing.
Tip #5
Know your Body. Splitting wood is a complete cardio workout on par with going for a run. It’s lower back, upper back, arms, legs, chest — and you are going to pant, sweat, bend, and extend yourself in ways you aren’t used to. To break it down: you are lifting a weight, and also extending your spine on the upswing. When you bring it down, your shoulders are stabilizing you, your legs are planting you, thighs dipping in a partial squat, and you are hitting with force that will reverberate through your hands and arms. Do that for an hour and you’re probably done. NEVER swing an axe if you feel tired; it just isn’t worth it. Listen to your muscles, and stop when it’s time.
Get Chopping
There are precautions, and there are safety measures. You can’t go into this cold, but don’t let that discourage you. There is something wonderful about hearing the sound of a block cracking, and knowing that you did it. It’s creative destruction. Trees fall or are removed, and could otherwise be chipped for mulch. You are making use of wood that may have gone to waste and reusing it to heat your home (or have a backyard fire and roast marshmallows). Stress tends to melt with the exertion of force, and when you find a rhythm, there’s nothing quite like it. Besides, you look a bit badass, and can make silly jokes to the meter reader.
So have fun. Get some exercise. Burn off stress. And take care — chopping wood is for everyone, so long as you watch your axe.
*Dedicated to my friend, Damon, who suggested the topic
