I Hate Running with the Fire of 10,000 Suns
I still do it, because I have to. Here’s how I get through it.
Frankly, the only reason I can think of for running anywhere is to avoid a bear. And even then, it depends on the size and aggression of the bear. But in one of life’s little hee-ha’s, I have a condition which requires me to exercise a lot or lose all mobility… And running turns out to be easier and cheaper than building myself a home gym.
It all started when I slipped on the ice. I ended up with a back injury that kept me in pain for almost two years (far longer, it seemed, than it should have — I was in my 20s). Over time, other things went awry. I dislocated a rib, which I didn’t even know was possible. I had my hips come out of alignment. My shoulder slipped out of socket. I’m (still) on a waiting list for the required genetic testing, but my doctors tentatively suggested I’ve a mild form of ED (Ehlers-Danlos syndrome). I’m lucky mine isn’t life threatening, but I needed a lifestyle change. One addition was weight training. The other, running. And as a fun sideline, the running — which triggers an anti-inflammatory response in my system — also helps my other autoimmune condition, IBS.
Trust me, I resisted. Walking? Biking? Hiking? Knitting? What if I thought about running real hard — could I trick my brain? Well, the good news is, yes, a lot of those things will do just as well (not the knitting or tricking, sorry). But only if you actually DO them. I have a busy life, and it’s hard to pull together enough hours to dedicate since the activity has to be long enough or hard enough to raise heart rate. If I have to plan a walking route, get the bikes out of the garage, sort out hiking gear… let’s face it, I’m probably going to put it off or avoid it all together.
Sounds like I’m lazy, doesn’t it? I promise I’m not; but the first trick to regular exercise is to make it a routine. I have very defined routines already, including working several jobs, freelance, editing, and taking care of house and grounds where I live. The occasional hike or bike trip is great fun, but not part of my everyday life. I had to figure out a means of getting the exercise into my lived patterns of behavior. So: I bought a treadmill.
I don’t have a lot of space; the one I purchased is tiny and folds up when not in use — but still allows you to run at a decent clip. It wasn’t too expensive either, so it fit my house and my budget. Now: to make it fit my lifestyle.
Step 1: Routine Building
Some people love mornings. I like them, myself. For coffee and reading the news and getting breakfast in bed — not for running. So that wasn’t going to fly. I do work from home, however, and find my brain comes to a stop about 4pm (I’m a writer and I’ve usually run out of words by then). My partner leaves work at 5pm, and we dine around 6 — so I decided to make 4:00–4:45 my everyday routine. You’ll notice it’s less than an hour. Everything sounds like less work if it’s only 45 minutes.
Step 2: Distraction
You’ll probably assume I mean ‘get rid of distraction.’ I don’t mean that at all — I want to be distracted. Otherwise my brain will just whine about my sore legs, my side stitch, my aching feet… and the fact that no bears are in the vicinity. Another of my hang-ups over exercise is feeling that it wastes my time. Watching television wouldn’t alleviate that for me, so I hit upon an excellent strategy. I have to read A LOT of books for my work. I decided to get them on audio. I’m not just running, I’m working! IT’S MULTITASKING!
Step 3: Boredom
The other problem I have with running — I mean apart from the fact that it hurts and makes you sweat, causes you to pant and gulp air while also wasting your time — is that it’s boring. My partner (who likes running, the weirdo) takes his torture outside into nature. I love nature, too. I love it so much I’m not going to go speeding through it, though; I’ll have a nice leisurely walk, won’t I? Running with a friend works for some people. But since I am not exactly eloquent while gasping for breath, that’s a good one for me. Solution: it’s up there in number two.
Turns out, I can’t read just any book. I’m lucky in that most of my reading is pretty interesting (weird science, death studies, brains, cloning). But I’m not going to get through statistical manuals while on the jog. The nice thing about audio books, however, is that there are millions of them. And I confess, I actually ran an extra mile once just to finish the last chapter of Robert MacFarlane’s Underland. Win-win.
A lot of folks love running, and likewise love to tell you about it. They promised me I’d come to enjoy it; they hinted at such mysteries as “runner’s high.” Either they were lying or I am broken, because I STILL hate it. But I’ve learned to find my way through it, even getting some enjoyment (through books + better health) along the way. Does this mean I think running is for everyone? Will I wave the flag of jogging proselytes everywhere? Will you find me pushing others to overcome their anti-running stance? Nope. When it comes to exercise, it really is about what works for you. This little routine has helped me — and if you find it useful, I’m glad.
In the meanwhile, avoid rampaging bears.
